Why would a supposed Christian man, who goes to church on Sundays, pays tithe, has a pastor, believes that God will favour him, openly engage in an adulterous relationship, flaunting his mistress in all of vain society.
I know a “the other woman”. She’s a close friend. She lives large on the bill of a married man she’s dating. She claims they are in love and keeps telling me, “He will soon leave his wife for me. He just needs a little time.” I first heard promise in 2008. This is 2012 and neither has the man left his “soon-to-be-divorced” wife, nor left my friend.
But one thing is certain; he has changed her life, she’s now “upwardly mobile financially”, so to speak. I am a beneficiary of her affair, I can boast of some “spoils” in jewelry and in cash.
Sometimes, the guilt of being somehow endorsing what I have been conditioned to believe is an “unholy relationship” overcomes me and I give the this-is-risky lecture, “that woman can hurt you, she could pour acid on you”.
At some point in the affair, what I got in response was a dismissing laughter, “The wife knows I am her husband’s mistress. All she asks is that allow him to takes good care of his kids, stay at home during the weekends, and some special days.” The first time I heard that, I was beyond shocked, bewildered, and struck by a severe case of speechlessness.
“You mean she knows you’re sleeping with her husband, and is okay with that?” I asked the next time she tried to dismiss my warning with this line that I presumed to be cooked.
My friend laughed at my “naivety” and she retorted, “For starters, I’m not just sleeping with him, we are in love. She has no choice but to live with it.”
Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage, the marriage vows? Why would a supposed Christian man, who goes to church on Sundays, pays tithe, has a pastor, believes that God will favour him, openly engage in an adulterous relationship, flaunting his mistress in all of vain society. And to butter the cruelty, the wife, the legal wife, knows about this unholy relationship, and is left to wallow in the pain of heartbreak, emotional abandonment, and the public humiliation of being that “woman whose husband openly cheats and her and she accepts it”.
Several times, I have put forward the what-goes-around-comes-around argument, and what I get in response is, “Look, sweetie, whether you date a married man or not, your husband would date a lady out there. So why not have fun while you are still single, knowing full well that the moment you’ve got that ring on your finger, your husband would be searching for the next available single girl to keep as a mistress?” Sometimes, I have to take two steps back.
The sad part is after some years of careful observation, there appears to be overwhelming evidence that the mistress is an approved and widespread vocation. And it appears as if the wives, have resigned to fate and adopted the modus operandi, “I run the home, they run the bed syndrome.”
A perfect globally recognized example, Naomi Campbell and her [very married] Russian billionaire boyfriend, Vladimir. Neither of them is hiding the affair. He is noted for spending lavishly on the supermodel and attending public functions with her. This week she’s reportedly throwing him a lavish birthday party.
The billionaire’s wife Ekaterina, 44, released a statement to the “News of the World” which reads, “Vladimir has had lots of admiring women over the years. He is rich, attractive and rarely at home because of his business. I have ignored all this in the past because I know boys will be boys. He has bought Naomi gifts; he has bought other women gifts, some fun, maybe it will be good for business. But enough is enough. He is my husband. He is wealthy and generous but not stupid.”
When it would appear that her husband was more than generous, but tending towards stupid, the Mrs released an “updated statement”, “Naomi is deceiving herself if she thinks he will be with her. As a wife of dignity I refuse to be humiliated. I would never cause a public scene or any embarrassment but Naomi has overstepped the line. That is the final straw. Naomi has got this so wrong. She is kidding herself. I think my husband has been enjoying the fame, glory and showbiz razzmatazz of meeting all the big stars. And it’s good for business.”
Then last week, Valdimir gifted Naomi with a magnificent 25 bedroom edifice mansion on an exclusive island. Rumor has it that the architect was given an unlimited budget. Sadly, the heartbroken wife, who got married to the ‘love of her life’ at the age of 16, has now struck a ‘truce’ with Naomi after several attempts at dissuading Naomi to leave her husband failed.
Right now, they are reportedly, friends and have come to an agreement (whatever that means) and Naomi is stamped, OFFICIAL MISTRESS!
Would I openly tolerate my husband keeping a mistress? Well, when that time comes… I think I have a double-barrel gun somewhere…
Emeh Achanga is a lawyer, journalist, blogger and writer. She blogs at http://www.misspetitenigeria.blogspot.com. She believes in the power to change the world by penning down her thoughts and sharing her experiences with others. Follow her on twitter @misspetitenaija.