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Give me a life or two to settle down

‘I get it’ 

When my hair goes gray I’ll stop dying it red. 

Yes, I imagine myself 
as a calm figure in the distance
descending across the grass 

like the person 
that I actually am. 

It doesn’t matter to me
that maybe I could have loved you already
if you had just made it through 
your first and second wives by now. 

I don’t care about that. I don’t want it to be easy
except when it is actually easy, when I can 
watch you move across the golf course’s
grotesque waste of land and be satisfied 
without having to fight off something
in my life. 

I’m thinking now of how the passion 
is never the problem, it’s just that 
it always comes in fits. And then, blame, 
whatever worthless device that is 
and I don’t want it. I want everything 

and I want everything to stay the same
until it is different. Either I’ll see you again 
from the inside of your life 

or another part of its orbit, waving. 

Tonight I lie calmly 
in the bathtub’s soft, cool water.

I am fine. 
I do not want anything different 
or more specific than happin

As Far As I’ve Gotten.

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